you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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