This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
