i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
