If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
