I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
