i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
