Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
