why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
