maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
