you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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