I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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