just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
