I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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