you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
