when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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