Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
