Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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