I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
