She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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