Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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