Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
do herpes really smell.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
