I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
