I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
