How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
