I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
