I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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