I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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