I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
