I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
