I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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