I got chris browned last night
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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