life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
