Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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