Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
