I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
