You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
