it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
