Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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