you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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