Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
