there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
