literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
