U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
