so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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