Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
As shirtless as possible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
