And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
