that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
