I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
