Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
