I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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