I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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