if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
