Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
