So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we're making bets on your personal life
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
