you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
