Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
